Face the Balls
Season 3, Song 14
Singers(s) Captain Hero
Episode Charlotte's Web of Lies
Song guide
"The Itsy Bitsy Spider"
"Steve From Long Island"

Face the Balls is a song sung by Captain Hero in the episode Charlotte's Web of Lies. Captain Hero sings the song while pondering whether or not to wash Scroto's testicles.


How can I face the shriveled balls
Of my decrepit nemesis?
I can smell that crotch from here!
That sack has not been cleaned in years!
It's gotta be drenched in layers
Of sweat and piss
But he taught me how to read
And that has opened up new worlds
Still that stench, rancid flesh,
Soaked in crotch juice, pus, and ass
Good God! It makes me want to hurl!
I can't deny him his dying wish!!!
Even though I swear I'll faint
If I find some ancient dingle berries sticking to his taint...
But wait! I must stand for something!
I'm a hero, after all...
I must have the balls to face his nasty, cadaverous, spidery, putrid, rash-ridden, lice-infested, Limburger-smelling, wretch-inducing---

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